he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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