Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
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She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
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Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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