I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
