And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
