i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
