But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
