What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Randomize
