Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Randomize
