my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
