she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
This house was built for laser tag.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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