It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
