He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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