can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
