You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
