FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
