Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
