everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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