My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
