can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
