I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
