dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
