Need sex. Gaining weight.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize