I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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