Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drank out of a bidet.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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