My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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