remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
