Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
