I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
