He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
