Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
