take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I need water and some morals
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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