He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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