my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
