she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
