Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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