With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
