there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
