I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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