recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
