I am in a vortex of obligation.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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