So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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