A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Don't make out with my wife yet
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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