I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i will never coherently bang her
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
