Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
