It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize