I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
