his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
