hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
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I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
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If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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