he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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