Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
