You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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