How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She's like a pop up book from hell.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
