Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
