SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
