I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he fucked my hip out of place.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
