Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
