oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
