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it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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