woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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