I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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