so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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