Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
